Feathers of Grace and Comfort

My thoughts swirl,
like the wind
never stopping long enough to be recorded on a page.
to never be completed
only added to.
     I did that wrong.
          I missed that chance.
               I should have done that
and on they go,
beating me down,
reducing me to the dust that gets swept away in the wind.
The chaos stirs
my words-
     too loud,
          too fast,
my heart it hurts when I cause the pain
but sometimes still the words will ring

then rolling in like a tumble weed are the things I care about,
the ones I need
The memories of loved ones no longer here
or loved ones 
who won't draw near.
The longings,
     dreaming
          sometimes done.
Is hope enough to think the wind will slow enough
for my heart to be heard?

Then gently, slowly they start to fall.
single tiny stars,
others clustered like white, downy feathers
     clinging together
          falling like grace.
Landing on me and making me new
Covering the world like a soft warm blanket
stilling the wind that rushes me around

In the stillness,
silenced by the white
I am not alone.
You will never leave me
you know me by name
And the snowflakes land softly,
united like a heart,
I am your beloved.



 I was sitting in our new hot tub this morning.  Thoughts were swirling.  It had just been 2 days since the two year anniversary of my dad's passing from this life, my friend's mom passed away the same day, our friend's son had gone to glory, we had gone to a funeral to say goodbye to a family member of Linc's and at the same time a 9 year old girl's short life was being celebrated, leaving her family to figure out life without her sparkle and life in their home.  My thoughts jumped over to our friends whose daughter has been sick since the start of summer and how it has affected her and each of them. And, swirled in were thoughts that  reminded me that some of my words yesterday were more harsh then loving when I gave in to frustration and weariness.  And as the wind picked up, I ducked down lower into the relaxing warm water in the hot tub so I wouldn't feel the cold on my neck.  Suddenly, small sparkly snow flakes began to fall.  They were tossed around by the wind until suddenly the whole air was full of flakes that had joined together into clusters that looked like downy feathers.  They fell slowly and silently.  They landed on my skin, melting.  They were amazing, perfectly formed and beautiful.  They rained down like grace, reminding me that even when I don't have it all together I have the One who will equip me.  One fell on the side of the tub, resting momentarily in the shape of a perfect, 3D heart before melting.  I was overcome with the reminder that I am loved.  The words "I am not alone" played over and over in my head.  And I was reminded about the verse where it talks about being covered by feathers:

"He will shield you with his wings.

He will shelter you with his feathers."

Psalm 91:4a

And so I sat there, tears mixing with the snowflakes.  Peaceful.  Loved.  Forgiven.   And encouraged to face the day under the shadow of his wings. 

He's Bananas About Me

I decided to steal a blog-post from my other blog because it is a reminder of how loved I am.  This is from December 2013.  My back and shoulders were sore and I was feeling uptight about going grocery shopping.  Not sure what was going on but as I told Linc, he began to fix the problem give suggestions as to what could be done to ease my anxieties.  Not sure if it was the thought of spending more money or of pushing the cart through the snow without hurting my back/neck/shoulders more, but we talked and prayed about it.  Linc suggested I either leave my cart outside the store and drive my van up to the no-parking zone and load the groceries in or I ask someone to help me push it to the van.  That evening I decided to pray for sales at the store, especially the bananas (every time I pray about this, God provides bananas at half price).  So the next morning I got ready and decide to beat the winter snowstorm and head off to superstore.  As I pull up, a car drives out of the parking place closest to the door so I take that spot (answer #1, I am parked right at the door!).  I get into the store and find most of my items are one sale or are on sale and I get extra points on my card for them!  However, when I get to the discount produce place, I don't find any bananas.  I go to the banana section and see all the regular priced bananas.  I kind of stood there, asking why they weren't on sale, when I turned and there was a huge stack of bananas- all on 50% off.  I had to smile.  What a sign of being cared for- it may seem insignificant to some, but I got quite excited by this!  So I continued on-the bread my kids like was on sale plus had bonus points (points = more cash to spend on another shopping trip!), the parchment paper was on sale, the flour was on sale and so on...  I filled my cart, fitting everything in like a puzzle and went to pay.  I was able to use points to pay for $230 of the $234 of groceries.  I then asked about the free offer, and learned that if I spent $250 I got a free turkey, so off I went to buy 2 of the items I'd forgotten from my list, used points for $20 and paid $2 something and got a free $28 turkey!  I was feeling pretty blessed and cared for at this point, paying so little for a cart full of food- so full that as I left the store, my taco chips and paper towels started to blow off my cart.  At this point, my friend, Rachel appears, on her way into the store.  She offers to help and pulls my cart to my van- yup- yet another answer to our prayer for help at the store.    Coincidence?  I don't believe so.  Just one of the many ways God shows up in my everyday life and takes care of me.  A whisper of love.
I love seeing God's hand at work, making things happen that if I don't take time to step back and acknowledge, I think just happened.  I need to keep recording these situations to remind myself that I have the help of a mountain moving, miracle working God.   I don't believe in coincidence.  Things happen because of choices we make but also because of requests we make to God and because of the great love God has for us and that He wants to bless us as we enter into relationship with him.

 *****

I continue to pray about sales and good deals before I go shopping.  This week I went shopping during the afternoon at a time when I hadn't planned to go.  So as I was walking though the store, I was talking with God, telling Him that even though I hadn't asked him earlier for some sales, they would still help with cutting the bill for feeding 6 plus people.  As I came to the produce area, I didn't find anything useful on the discount shelves.  However, as I took a few more steps, chatting with Him about how I know that I am still loved even if there wouldn't be any discounted foods, I found a bag of oranges with the discount sticker just sitting there on a pile of squashes!  I added it to my cart.  When I got to the bananas, I was about to buy the regular priced ones when I noticed the produce guy was emptying bananas from boxes onto the shelves.  I noticed a pile of bananas beside him so I asked about the pile of bananas and he told me they would be for 1/2 price and started bagging them for me.  After the first 4 bags, I offered to finish bagging them myself and even gave a bag to a friend who came by!  Once again, I left the store smiling, reminded that I am loved.