Letting Go

I've been in a season of letting go.  Control and fear are big topics on my mind the last while.  Several months ago our pastor asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "freedom" and release is the word that came to me.  Release from stress, from pain, from what binds me, from control and from fear.  Release.  Freeing.  Peace.  And that takes me on the journey that I find myself on.  Choosing to release and let go (I am working on sorting some of my thoughts about fear for a different post).  I've seen such changes in my life over the past months. I am learning to not live under the expectations of what others expect or want or think about me.  I am learning that I really am enough because He is more than enough.  Lies that I have lived for years, thought patterns and things I believed are no longer controlling me.  My thoughts are free to rest.  I'm freed to rest or to enter into activities and experiences.   Even my massage therapist and physio therapist have noticed a difference in the tissues in my body as muscle are relaxing.  Interestingly, I have even grown a quarter of an inch taller as the weights that have pulled me down are released.   I am still on this journey and many days it is not anywhere near easy but today I celebrate how far I have come.

Recently I started on a journey to incorporate more raw whole foods into my diet.  As many of you know I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) (back in 1992) and I realized I had a gluten intolerance 3 years ago (eliminating gluten took away my brain fog, migraines, chronic sinus infections and much of my remaining stomach problems).  I  I had cut out many grains, all gluten, eggs, red meat, most dairy and several other foods already.  When in the Dominican I realized I was eating lots more fresh fruit and veggies and I was feeling better (it had to be more then the fact I was with my sister and mom (no kids), the ocean, sunshine, walks along the ocean, all included mojitos and pina coladas and had all my meals and my bed made for me every day).  So once home, we began buying a case of bananas each week and a large box of oranges along with papayas, pears, cases of mangoes, pineapples, coconuts, almonds, figs, date and many veggies. Linc and I decided to try "raw until 4", eating all raw foods until 4 pm and allowing us to eat a cooked supper.  Our kids are eating many more fruits and veggies too although they eat other whole foods that are cooked, bread and the occasional pasta or other quick meal.  Overall we are all eating even healthier then we used to.  Yesterday I was convicted of being controlled by this diet.  I want to eat foods that heal my body and make me feel good, but I do not want to be obsessed by rules or need to say I can't eat certain foods just because I have chosen not to- although there are definitely foods that make me sick when I do eat them.  I also am holding on for the day that I can eat the foods that now make me sick, waiting for the healing that has been prayed over me and claimed for me.  And so, I continue eating raw veggies and fruits and nuts, trying to care for my body and truly enjoying the fresh flavors.  But as I go on, I find myself dreaming of eating Ethiopian food, Mexican food, and other foods with friends and family.  I want to try other food and not be sick.  And I want to be free to eat what my body tells me it needs without worrying about sticking to rules I make.  It's not so much what I eat but why I do or don't that I realized I needed to address.  I do not want food to control my life or become super important, un-doing the freedom I have been experiencing in areas of my life

And so I release this area, and move on.  Looking forward to the ripened papaya on my counter....