They Call Me Mom.

The blessing and the losses

The joy and the broken aching

What was and what is

Two worlds of love colliding within.

 

Gohe, Ethiopian restaurant

Mother's Day 2014

So maybe it's a bit tricky to get a good photo, but I am so blessed by having these four call me mom.  Some days I am exhausted and miss out on the beauty that life is full of, but other days I am overwhelmed by the treasures I have been blessed to have in my life.  It is a privileged to love these children.  It is an honor to call them mine.  And it is a daily release to entrust them into the hands of my heavenly Father whom I believe can love and guide them better then I alone can.  It wasn't easy to become mom.  There have been pains and losses along the way, for me and for another mother.  There isn't a day that goes by where I don't have a moment where I wish someone else was also able to experience the joy I get from the giggles, the snuggles, the new skills and growth.  Blending a family.  Learning to love each other.  A place of belonging.  These four call me mom.  I am blessed.

Words cannot describe the way adoption touches two families.  I can't imagine life without each one of these children.   There were many days and months where I didn't see how God was going to take us broken creatures and heal us into a family.   It's not an easy journey.  But it is so rewarding and full of blessings.  After about a year together I saw all four kids were fighting with each other and I knew there was a chance we'd survive.  God has taken our fears, our losses, our needs and is building something beautiful.  I love seeing the way they defend each other and belong to each other.  Family.  What a sacred unit.  

I love being a mom and having both a mom and a mom-in-love.  I think of my babies I never got to hold.  And I think of the mom whose babies I get to hold.

Sentenced to Death for Believing in God

I read a story today that has made me stop and think.  A woman in Sudan is being sentenced to death for being a Christian.  "Ibrahim was born to a Sudanese Muslim father and an Ethiopian Orthodox mother. Her father left when she was 6 years old, and Ibrahim was raised by her mother as a Christian...  However, because her father was Muslim, the courts considered her to be the same, which would mean her marriage to a non-Muslim man is void.".  Not only does this one sit heavy because I too am a Christan but because of my Ethiopian born children.  Because she choose to live her life serving God, her marriage is void and her life will be ended if she doesn't renounce her belief in God.   I ask myself what I would do in this position.  I may get mocked and slammed for the beliefs I hold tightly to, but never once has it lead me to a place where my life could be taken from me.  It says her Christan husband waits, praying.  And I too join in praying for her release and for the many others whose lives are in danger because they live for God.  Ibrahim is pregnant and has her 20 month old son in the prison with her.  Her husband is said to be physically dependent on Ibrahim and struggling every day on his own.

According to the article "Christian in Sudan sentenced to death for faith; 'I'm just praying,' husband says"

By Salma Abdelaziz, Catherine E. Shoichet, Daniel Burke and Ed Payne, CNN,:

-"The country imposes Sharia law on Muslims and non-Muslims alike and punishes acts of "indecency" and "immorality" by floggings and amputations, the commission said."

-"Since 1999, the U.S. State Department has called Sudan one of the worst offenders of religious rights, counting it among eight "countries of particular concern."

-" Among all religious groups, Christians are the most likely to be persecuted worldwide, according to a 2014 report by the Pew Research Center."

It says that her lawyer has even received a death threat but so far continues to stand for her, although he fears his life.  I can't imagine what Ibrahim, who never was a Muslim, her son or her husband are thinking right now.  I pray that they will be strengthened to remain true and trust God at this time.  

And I am left thinking about how I respond the the problems I face ever day.  How would I respond if my life was at risk because I am a Christian?  What thoughts would go through my head if I was in jail?  Would my faith be enough to trust that my son and husband will be ok without me?  Would I give up my fears for my unborn child?  Would I re-think being a follower of Jesus?  Would I live in fear or anger?  I hope my faith would increase and that my trust would grow deeper.  I hope I would cling to the hope of Life, for I believe that if they do take Ibrahim's life, her soul is eternal and that she will live on more fully then ever in heaven.  My perspective on my day has changed.  As the sun streams in my window, I see words of freedom written on my walls.  I am free to worship.  I'm free to call Jesus Lord of my life.  I am free to be a Christian and not be jailed or sentenced to death.   And inside me burns more passion to fight for those who can't. To speak up against the injustice.  To pray for mercy and grace.  I am moved to my knees, and I cry out to know what can be done for Ibrahim and others like her.  And suddenly my problems and the ridicule I face seems to fade... 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/15/world/africa/sudan-christian-woman-apostasy/index.html?sr=tw051614faithsentence1030aVODtopPhoto

Letting Go

I've been in a season of letting go.  Control and fear are big topics on my mind the last while.  Several months ago our pastor asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "freedom" and release is the word that came to me.  Release from stress, from pain, from what binds me, from control and from fear.  Release.  Freeing.  Peace.  And that takes me on the journey that I find myself on.  Choosing to release and let go (I am working on sorting some of my thoughts about fear for a different post).  I've seen such changes in my life over the past months. I am learning to not live under the expectations of what others expect or want or think about me.  I am learning that I really am enough because He is more than enough.  Lies that I have lived for years, thought patterns and things I believed are no longer controlling me.  My thoughts are free to rest.  I'm freed to rest or to enter into activities and experiences.   Even my massage therapist and physio therapist have noticed a difference in the tissues in my body as muscle are relaxing.  Interestingly, I have even grown a quarter of an inch taller as the weights that have pulled me down are released.   I am still on this journey and many days it is not anywhere near easy but today I celebrate how far I have come.

Recently I started on a journey to incorporate more raw whole foods into my diet.  As many of you know I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) (back in 1992) and I realized I had a gluten intolerance 3 years ago (eliminating gluten took away my brain fog, migraines, chronic sinus infections and much of my remaining stomach problems).  I  I had cut out many grains, all gluten, eggs, red meat, most dairy and several other foods already.  When in the Dominican I realized I was eating lots more fresh fruit and veggies and I was feeling better (it had to be more then the fact I was with my sister and mom (no kids), the ocean, sunshine, walks along the ocean, all included mojitos and pina coladas and had all my meals and my bed made for me every day).  So once home, we began buying a case of bananas each week and a large box of oranges along with papayas, pears, cases of mangoes, pineapples, coconuts, almonds, figs, date and many veggies. Linc and I decided to try "raw until 4", eating all raw foods until 4 pm and allowing us to eat a cooked supper.  Our kids are eating many more fruits and veggies too although they eat other whole foods that are cooked, bread and the occasional pasta or other quick meal.  Overall we are all eating even healthier then we used to.  Yesterday I was convicted of being controlled by this diet.  I want to eat foods that heal my body and make me feel good, but I do not want to be obsessed by rules or need to say I can't eat certain foods just because I have chosen not to- although there are definitely foods that make me sick when I do eat them.  I also am holding on for the day that I can eat the foods that now make me sick, waiting for the healing that has been prayed over me and claimed for me.  And so, I continue eating raw veggies and fruits and nuts, trying to care for my body and truly enjoying the fresh flavors.  But as I go on, I find myself dreaming of eating Ethiopian food, Mexican food, and other foods with friends and family.  I want to try other food and not be sick.  And I want to be free to eat what my body tells me it needs without worrying about sticking to rules I make.  It's not so much what I eat but why I do or don't that I realized I needed to address.  I do not want food to control my life or become super important, un-doing the freedom I have been experiencing in areas of my life

And so I release this area, and move on.  Looking forward to the ripened papaya on my counter....

A Taste of Ethiopia

Today Linc and I got to present about Ethiopia at a local school. If you are joining me at this new blog and are unfamiliar with me or my family, we may seem like an odd couple to present about an African country.  Us pale, white people.  But our family photo is one of a family that was brought together through  international adoption.  Our oldest two children are homegrown, and our youngest two came into our family through adoption.  They were born in Ethiopia.  And so we have been blessed to be asked to present in different classes and schools about Ethiopia.   Pulling items out that we store in a bin downstairs and gathering items together that we keep on display and in use throughout our home brought back a sense of longing to return to Ethiopia.  It was 4 years ago in March that we were in Ethiopia.  Some of the items packed in bags still smell like Ethiopia.  Refilling the bererbe jar to pass around for the kids to smell the blend of spices makes me almost taste it.  Each traditional outfit that our children have already outgrown makes me miss the way it felt to carry their small bodies.  And the freshly roasted coffee beans make me know that after school, we will make buna in our jebana and share about how the presentations went, and just possibly dream a bit more about when to return. 

Our trip to Ethiopia was a whirlwind.  It was an emotional roller-coaster.  It was beyond hard or draining.  And I must admit that I was pretty much frozen in many ways, subject to tears and utterly exhausted.  The fact that it was about 24 hours of travel time, 8 time changes away and that we left in a panicked few days of buying tickets, re-packing and fighting for new tickets because of a Lufthansa strike... add this altogether and it made lack of sleep and jet lag.  Meeting our kids only hours after landing and within 23 hours having full custody of two small, non English speaking kids who did not ask to come with us also didn't help our start.
 

 

And yet, there is something in me that longs, even aches to go back.  I long to sit and listen to the beautiful language of Amharic (ok and I really wish I could speak it and communicate in it too).  I long to explore the city and surrounding countrysides- going off the beaten trail and experience life in Ethiopia.  I long to walk down the street and blend in, be one of them, enter into community with the Ethiopians.  I long to go to our children's village.  And I long to eat their food every day.  I know these longings are unrealistic.  I know I would never be able to blend in as I walk down the streets. I will always be thought of as a foreigner- even if we lived there.  A forengi.  But that is what I wish I could do.  And these longings are what fuel our conversations about when we will return.  And two older children who didn't get to go are curious about what it really would be like to leave all the comforts of home and go for a visit.  And the two youngest children pray every night for some special people who still live in Ethiopia and they ask God to show us when it will be the best time to go back to visit their Ethiopia.  And all this swirls in my thoughts as we prepare to tell others about Ethiopia. 

Before we adopted I thought of Ethiopia as a desert.  It was sandy and windy and it was filled with long lines of people, dressed in rags.  And these people were starving.  These starving people were in lineups, holding small bows.  They were waiting in line for their bowls to be filled with some kind of sticky substance that would be their meal of the day... or week.  And when it became an option to adopt from Ethiopia, I looked up flights from our country to theirs and saw it was on the other side of the world and I couldn't think of one reason to get on a plane and fly all that way to a desert!  But as I looked into the different options of countries to adopt from I began to learn that Ethiopia is quite green, there are mountains and jungles and many beautiful places.  And the more I read the more I saw the beauty not only in the country but in the people.  And as we officially embarked on the journey to our children who were born in Ethiopia, we began a journey of falling in love with not only our children but of their country.  And now, seven years after we signed our first papers that declared we intended to adopt children from Ethiopia, we are together as a family of 6 in Canada.  We experience Ethiopia in the conversations we have with Ethiopians that we meet, in the spicy blends of Ethiopian food we prepare at home, in the injera (Ethiopian bread) I continue to work at making, in the buna we roast and prepare the traditional way in a jebana, in the stories we retell, in the photos and videos we watch and the dreams of returning that we share.

As we shared just a little about this great country, I realize how much there is to learn yet.  And it reminds me how important it is for our youngest two children to keep embracing Ethiopia.  They still call Ethiopia "theirs."  They want to eat their traditional food.  They want to be noticed by other Ethiopians.  And it challenges me to think of ways to connect them to their culture.  And it reminds me there is so much about the early years they spent in Ethiopia that has shaped who our children are today.  And I feel honored to be the mom to two amazing little people who were born in Ethiopia.  And it has made that hunger to return grow. 

What if this was your child?

It's been heavy on my heart.  Over 200 girls abducted from Nigeria.  Kidnapped.  Stolen.  Vanished.  Missing.  That's a lot of families missing their daughters, their sisters, and their granddaughters.  These girls, both Christian and Muslim were attending school to open opportunities for their life when they were brutally stolen from their dorms in the night by armed terrorist.  The terrorists are a an extremist Muslim group, who's name, when translated means "Western Education is a sin".  Stories of them being forced into marriages with the abductors, or them being sold into the sex trade, or that they were being beat and killed circulate. They were between 13 and 15 years old and were about to take exams so they could go on to become teachers, doctors, and  lawyers. Families have taken machetes to search through the forest.  Frantic they gather wailing for their children to be returned.  And at the end of the day they are still missing.  And as the stories unfold about how this is not new, how children have disappeared in many countries, of what has happened to them and the mystery of  what has become of many of them, of the few who are deemed "lucky" enough to have escaped and live with the trauma of what happened to them, it is thought that if these abductors get away with this, it will be the start of this happening on larger scales in many areas.  And so as I think of these girls, I am also broken for the many others who have had their lives stolen from them.


As I have read some of the articles online, I have been moved to pray.  The other day I found myself on my knees, in tears, unable to express the thoughts that I was burdened with.  Prayers that came from deep within went out for these girls, for their families, and for God's mercy to save them.  I cried for strength for the ones who had chosen to follow God already.  And I prayed that those who had been living their lives worshiping  to other god that in this horrid time might find peace and real true Life in God at this time.  And as I poured out my prayers and tears, I heard the words playing from this song posted below.

The words stand true and powerful.  Join me in boldly interceding, in claiming back those who were stolen, in victory and healing for the girls, in bringing Hope to the families.  Alone we can do nothing, but as we unite let's watch our mighty God move.

"We stand here in your presence
Lifting up the name of Jesus
A strong tower meant to save us
And now nothing will defeat us
We are boldly interceding
For our children lost and bleeding
We'll see slavery bow to freedom
And the sick restored to healing
So we fight for those who've fallen
And we take back what's been stolen
From our families shamed and broken
Hope will rise and hearts will open
We'll see joy defeat depression
Liberation from addiction
For when we are at our weakest
Then your power is completed!
Chorus:
Faithful forever are you God, are you God
Merciful healer are you God, are you God
Mighty redeemer, are you God, are you God
Shield and defender are you God, are you god!
Faithful forever are you God, are you God (oh you are)
Merciful healer, are you God (yes you are) are you God
Mighty redeemer, are you God, are you God
You're the shield and defender, are you God, are you God!"

My new home

I've been wanting to find a place to record and share some of the many thoughts, visions and ideas that collect in my head as I journey to freedom everyday.  It is my hope and desire to use this new blog for that.  It won't be password protected like my other blog, so I'm not sure I'll post photos of my family or if I will just use online nicknames for them.  Time will tell how this space will be used.  It is my hope that you will be encouraged, challenged and maybe even entertained as you read and that you will enter into discussion in the comments area.  You are welcome to share my blog with others, but please do not use my photos unless I give you permission.

So welcome here.  I look forward to having you journey with me to a life full of freedom and joy.