A moment to Breathe, day 9.

"For by one offering he has perfected forever those who are sanctified." ~Hebrews 10:14

In today's reading by Sarah Mae I was reminded that Jesus isn't waiting for me to have everything figured out and together.  He isn't waiting for me to say the right words or do something to earn my worth.  He's waiting for me to look to him Him and trust him.  It is in my deepest weakness and messes that I can grow and mature when I rely on Jesus strength. 

And right now, in the mess, He calls me loved, comforted, healed and victorious.  The Holy Spirit is at work in and through me.  I am not looking back at who I was or thought I was.  My failures, mistakes and the lies I believed don't hold me back.  Through the redeeming blood of Jesus I have been sanctified.  I am washed clean.  I am free.  And so I breathe it in.  My eyes are on Jesus and I never want to look away from the love in His gaze.

Day 5 of "A Moment To Breathe" made me pause. Our upcoming move to a new community has brought many emotions to the surface. Today a fear of mine was revealed and Jesus' truth was able to replace it. Our family is noisy and busy. In turn, my ducks aren't in a row and I feel I appear less than put together. Our community has have been part of our lives for 18 years. They've celebrated births and homecomings of our children. They've heard our kids laugh, tantrum, talk and yell. They've seen us parent through many situations, and yes, witnessed our less then wonderful reactions to our children as we parent... But it's safe here in the known, in the place where we are known and loved. And now we are leaving this to go to a place where we aren't known, where we don't know how our family will fit and where nobody knows about our everyday mess. I sat here thinking about this quite a while. I know we are being called to our next home to love our neighbors, to bless others in our home and to raise our family in a larger space and so I am choosing to put aside how I want others to see us. My identity and worth is not based on how well behaved (or noisy and wild) my kids are. It's not based on how watered and weeded my flowers are. It's not based on having my home decorated just right. I am a forgiven child of my heavenly father's. I am loved, chosen and victorious. I am also a work in progress, being shaped by my creator. I am called to love others to love Jesus. And, although my life isn't tidy and controlled, it is going to be lived by meeting and freely loving our new community. "For am I now trying to persuade people or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ"-Galatians 1:10 #amomenttobreathe #documentlifesmoments #thesonisalwaysshining

Live Alive

I'm ready to live fully. The reheated coffee (that I'd originally made so carefully by roasting my own beans to the perfect darkness and then made in a clay jabana the traditional way that the Ethiopian founders of coffee make it) boiled over in the microwave. My throats burns and my sinuses throb but I know there is more to this day.  I eased my weary aching body into the hot-tub. And my sanctuary didn't fail me. I breathed in deeply, slowly and held my breath, my lungs open and full before releasing it and all that I was carrying. The demands of life, committees wanting members, the weariness from our cleaning-purging-fixing-buying-selling that has happened, the seasonal urge to can and forge for winter food for my family and the ever present question of what's for supper slips away. There is just me, sitting in the sunshine in my place, in peace. But yet there is more than just me- I allow myself to go deeper, to the things that matter and that are to many unknown and unseen. My thoughts turn to my Heavenly Father and the sunshine turns into a warm embrace from Him.  And I was swept away, to a place where I am whole, I am healed and I dance in praise and worship. I am left in awe of my God and His powerful love. Tears wash away the stress and the mess I make on my own.  And what I feel is more than having a silent house. It's more than the freedom of not having preschoolers to care for. It's more than anything this world offers. My heart is open and my hands release what they tightly held. His glory settled on me, making me come alive. The bigness of my life made minute compared to the wonder of Him.  I praise the One who loves me and created me. And I breath in, fully alive.

"I pray that he will use his glorious riches to make you strong. May his Holy Spirit give you his power deep down inside you. Then Christ will live in your hearts because you believe in him. And I pray that your love will have deep roots. I pray that it will have a strong foundation. May you have power together with all the Lord’s holy people to understand Christ’s love. May you know how wide and long and high and deep it is. And may you know his love, even though it can’t be known completely. Then you will be filled with everything God has for you." ~Ephesians 3:16-19